CODED

You are the reason why I could write about love. You are the ripped pages, the pages no one ever knew about, the pages lost somewhere at the back of my mind, or crumpled, thrown somewhere in the corner of my heart. I just couldn't lay my finger on why or how or since when did you just decide to feel like a million miles away from me... But more than that, what I couldnt understand was how I couldn't seem to stop myself from loving someone who disappeared on me, someone who didn't want to talk about things, who seemingly ignored all the messages I sent, or took so long to reply, who replied too little and often, won't reply at all. I couldn't understand how I could continue to love someone who was deliberately pushing me away, someone who can make me hurt so badly, someone who decided to exit my life, and still... Love that someone even then... And most especially then. I just woke up from this dream and realized that you were nowhere near, that I couldn't be clo

I don’t know how it started, and I don’t know how it’ll end. Somewhere along the line, though, I fell in love with you. Maybe it was that smile or those hypnotizing eyes. Or perhaps it was your beautiful brain or the way you say my name. I don’t think you even see it, and I doubt you ever will. I’m probably forever friendzoned, even though I desperately long to wrap you in my arms. Your laughter rings forever right inside my ears as your sadness makes me cry. I wish that I could be the one to always make you smile while also carrying the burden of your pain. Although I know it isn’t true, I wonder if somehow you’d ever feel the same. Sometimes when I’m lonely, I imagine what we would be like. Would we be the cheesy, romantic type or the ones who always laugh and keep it light? I mostly picture laughing and enjoying each other’s company. And, probably lots of talking all through the night until we see the sun rising through the curtains. The worst part about it all is that it’s just a f

 I quit social media for a month. So I quit Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, and Twitter. I just need a break. It is time to cut myself off. I will stop using social media tomorrow morning, and my brain is going crazy. I just realized how often I glance down just to see if I have a notification. When I wake up in the morning, on the way to work, on the taxi, walking from the taxi to work, sometimes at work - sorry - when I get home from work. It's constant. I think I'm probably not the only person in my generation who feels this way. I have friends who use Facebook to promote their music shows and send invites for birthday parties. It's a very big part of my social life, and that might be something I'm missing. I'm hoping with this social-media fast that my brain will kind of recalibrate itself - go back to my life pre-social media. I hope to become more focused, more productive, for my brain to be a little less scattered and all over the place. I really hope I